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all the whiles

have turned to minutes of forever

12/10/05 08:51 am

i love you

you are the best dog in the world

for jae's birthday, i got him two b-grade horror movies that i had never heard of until i saw them and immediately thought i should get them for jae, and i got him a chunk of handmade, organic, animal-friendly (vegan & not animal tested), seaweed & sea salt soap. and i got him a tam, like ivana's, because i told him i would. and i got him a woven hoodie from mexico that was not made in a sweatshop, and the person who made it got paid fairly, and all that other good stuff, and i think it looks really good on him. and i am still in the process of making his birthday card.

for oddler's birthday, i gave him the last bone. and extra scooby snacks. and lots of scratches behind the ears.

jae is 23 today. oddler is 5 today.

i love them both.
so so so so so so so so so so so so tremendously much.

new year's eve at our place.

12/6/05 12:49 am

here is what i did to our bathroom window. it took a long time. but it was worth it.

i used white glue and tissue paper. do you think the landlord will mind?

11/3/05 10:26 am - a rant.

i can no longer identify as a lesbian. a dyke.

last month, two months ago, two years ago, four years ago, i could never fathom the idea of sleeping with a man again. the idea of touching a penis made me shudder. vaginas are so soft and warm and open and loving.

but sexuality is way more than penis and vagina. there is so much to it, so many layers. it's an incredibly broad spectrum, and it's complicated.

last month, i was in a place in life where men did not appeal to me at all. period. two years ago i was in the same place. actually, men still do not appeal to me in the slightest. but i've been sleeping with jae and enjoying it immensely. i really love having sex with him. i still don't like the thought of penis, but i don't mind his penis. so what does that make me? certainly not a lesbian. not a dyke.

i guess i'm not comfortable with restricting myself to one type of experience - the experience of a woman - and denying all other experiences. i used to think bi-sexual women were incredibly selfish; they couldn't just choose and be done with it, but had to have a hand in each cookie pot. now i think, why is that selfish!? we should all have our hands in every cookie pot in sight! we should all be stuffing our faces!

life is short. i love women. i LOVE women! there is no way i could go without the touch of a woman for the rest of my life. i love vaginas and tenderness and breasts. but i love jae too, and jae's penis. that's ok. i'm not a lesbian. how can i be, if i love jae's penis?

so then, what am i? i'm not bi-sexual. i know that much. i'm certainly not straight. all these terms are too restricting. by identifying as one or the other, a whole different set of experiences is eliminated. the fact is, there are more than two genders and i'm open to them all. i am open to any experience that comes knocking on my door, because life is too short and too full of beauty to reject a new experience simply because it's outside my realm of identity.

so then, what am i? i am just a very sexual being. straight sex, gay sex, tranny sex, pfffft. it's all the same. i'm omnisexual, i'm open to it all. the doors have been flung wide, let the experiences run wild.

10/27/05 04:30 pm - as if i could forget.

quand tu te réveilles le matin,
quand to te réveilles l'après midi,
même si tu te réveilles en soirée, tu ne peux pas te cacher
non, non, parce qu'elle est là
elle est toujours là
elle est là

tu peux choisir de dormir mais le répit est temporaire
quand tu te réveilles, c'est tellement claire
c'est claire, elle est là - ta conscience
elle est là

elle te suit comme c'est une danse est la musique
c'est comme le son du vent dans tes rêves
parce qu'elle est là
elle est toujours là
elle est là

tu ne peux pas te cacher
il viendra une journée quand tu regarderas dans ses yeux
avant que c'est journée arrive
elle est là
elle est toujours là
elle est avec toi
elle est toujours là - ta conscience
elle va te dire : « Puis j'avoir cette danse ? »
elle est là

quand tu te réveilles le matin...
même quand tu dors...
ta conscience...
elle est toujours là
ta conscience
elle est là

6/26/04 06:02 pm

today was a day for grand adventures. adventures of the grand sort!

"welcome to our adventure. please pay no attention to the logo on my shirt."

and our brave heroes set offCollapse )

5/19/04 01:27 pm

while sitting on the banks of the p'u river, chuang-tse was approached by two representatives of the prince of ch'u, who offered him a position at court. chuang-tse watched the water flowing by as though he had not heard. finally, he remarked, "i am told that the prince has a sacred tortoise, over two thousand years old, which is kept in a box, wrapped in silk and brocade."

"that is true," the officials replied.

"if the tortoise had been given a choice," chuang-tse continued, "which do you think he would have liked better -- to have been alive in the mud, or dead within the palace?"

"to have been alive in the mud, of course," the men answered.

"i too prefer the mud," said chuang-tse. "good-bye."

4/19/04 06:56 pm - amanDUH


they searched me at the border, went looking through my car. asked me questions like, "is this a lady friend you're going to visit?"

i got myself lost in chicago (or maybe chicago lost me). and then there she was, sitting in all of her beauty in front of the shell.

we made a new world record, fitting my car into such a small space. who would have thought it possible?

we sat in the kitchen eating strawberries while kitty defended her space. all night the dogs growled deep in their throats at unfamiliar noises drifting in from city streets.


"dreadlocks? i'll give you dreadlocks. two-fitty, ain't nowhere gonna do it cheaper. i ain't never heard of nobody using dread wax, where the hell you get your information?"

the sun was warm and delicious. i found bumper stickers in a gay sex store in boystown & wandered around exploring until my belly wanted food. back in the kitchen i sang over the stove, making pasta & instant rice while pretty woman flickered on the living room tv.

then she was home and we strolled along the lake, cooing at pretty dogs as we violated leash laws. (dead fish and ducks and cop cars rolling by.)

we found dread wax & jolly rancher jelly beans and i discovered the wonder of gaymart while the dogs had a sudden attack of seperation anxiety.

and then there was thai food and margaret cho and three nubby dreads. heaven.


dogs are allowed in the coolest retro store ever.

it was hot. we sat on a sidewalk bench eating super delicious falafel sandwiches & sipping cold lemonade while a guy paced back and forth selling cubs tickets. of course she had to buy a pair, and we ran home to rid ourselves of the dogs.

the cubs game was amazing fun. intense. they lost by one fucking run.

and then... i locked my keys in the trunk. (so much for going home.) we sat eating delivery pizza in the car while we waited for a locksmith to come and save us, then went back to her oh-so-lovely apartment for yet another night of togetherness. she stayed up late doing her school work and i stayed up late talking to my darling my love on the telephone. it was good times.


i drove home all day. it was warm and sunny and the afternoon was singing to me, so i stopped in a little wooded area and napped in my car. and now here i am.

4/10/04 10:40 am

this is how it's going:

after spending next weekend in chicago i'm road tripping to victoria with a pack, a tent, a box of books, two dogs, and a mere $300 $200 in my pocket. my car has been threatening to break down again, and if it does i'm ditching it and sticking out my thumb. adventures!

4/3/04 09:51 am

wandering toronto sidewalks in the rain
stage-side conversations and yummy eggplant mushroom food thing
strawberry daiquiris, shaved heads, dyke mommas
music from the soul
fog & fear & front seat snoozes
then home, and jogging, and doggies galore

4/3/04 09:01 am

HOLY WOAHCollapse )
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