i can no longer identify as a lesbian. a dyke.
last month, two months ago, two years ago, four years ago, i could never fathom the idea of sleeping with a man again. the idea of touching a penis made me shudder. vaginas are so soft and warm and open and loving.
but sexuality is way more than penis and vagina. there is so much to it, so many layers. it's an incredibly broad spectrum, and it's complicated.
last month, i was in a place in life where men did not appeal to me at all
. period. two years ago i was in the same place. actually, men still do not appeal to me in the slightest. but i've been sleeping with jae and enjoying it immensely. i really love having sex with him. i still don't like the thought of penis, but i don't mind his
penis. so what does that make me? certainly not a lesbian. not a dyke.
i guess i'm not comfortable with restricting myself to one type of experience - the experience of a woman - and denying all other experiences. i used to think bi-sexual women were incredibly selfish; they couldn't just choose and be done with it, but had to have a hand in each cookie pot. now i think, why is that selfish!? we should all have our hands in every cookie pot in sight! we should all be stuffing our faces!
life is short. i love women. i LOVE women! there is no way i could go without the touch of a woman for the rest of my life. i love vaginas and tenderness and breasts. but i love jae too, and jae's penis. that's ok. i'm not a lesbian. how can i be, if i love jae's penis?
so then, what am i? i'm not bi-sexual. i know that much. i'm certainly not straight. all these terms are too restricting. by identifying as one or the other, a whole different set of experiences is eliminated. the fact is, there are more than two genders and i'm open to them all. i am open to any experience that comes knocking on my door, because life is too short and too full of beauty to reject a new experience simply because it's outside my realm of identity.
so then, what am i? i am just a very sexual being. straight sex, gay sex, tranny sex, pfffft. it's all the same. i'm omnisexual, i'm open to it all. the doors have been flung wide, let the experiences run wild.